Your self-description as a “disgusting freak” is way off, and suggests that it may be worth investigating your own relationship with weight and body image. Despite the current fashion for preferring well-toned men, there are plenty of fleshier men around who would love to know that you desired them. It occurs in many forms, with a great deal of cultural variation, and is usually the result of tastes and triggers that begin to form quite normally in childhood.
